Order of the Golden Fez

Visit The Order in The Vast Internet

The Legend
This secret society was once one of the most celebrated fraternities of ancient times. Heads of state and high muck-a-mucks once were counted amongst its ranks. At the height of its popularity it suddenly vanished like the sands across a desert. Or did it?

Like whispers in catacombs, The Order of The Golden Fez still resonates with those who count themselves amongst the brethren. In hushed tones in secret meetings, camaraderie is enjoyed and libations are hoisted to the chant of “corvus oculum corvi non eruit!”

Degree Ascension

In these fast-moving times, there are those who wish to squash the will of the individual, nay, even the will of all of us. Ancient rituals of old are cast aside in favor of watered-down commonality to the point of shear blandness. The Order of the Golden Fez is here to take a stand against homogenization and believes these new traits must be unlearned. We are here to preserve bad jokes and poor choices. We are here to continue the tradition of regrettable faux pas and spontaneous eye-rolling. Wit that is shot from the hip and never questioned is a mindset we embrace. But take heed and do not use this journey to inflict harm, but to add style and hilarity, for we are a benevolent group!

Brethren are initiated at the lowest level of the 1st Degree - Sōbrius - and can continue their path to unenlighteness to the 10th Degree - 33 1/3 Weisenheimer. The path is long and winding, encountering many stops at area watering holes and dens of inebriation and fraternization, whilst expanding their minds in both spirits, and spirits.

To aid you in your journey, The Order of the Golden Fez offers you useful tools that will enhance your skills and most importantly, your caché.

We have created our patented 10 Step to help you reach Total Unenlightenment.

1st Degree - Sōbrius
2nd Degree - Quod Guido
3rd Degree - Socium Bibens
4th Degree - Spirits of Enlightenment
5th Degree - Consort of Frivolity
6th Degree - Mystik Mirth Maker
7th Degree - Master of Jocularity
8th Degree - High Spirits Tippler
9th Degree - Caste of El Kablam!
10th Degree - 33 1/3 Weisenheimer

Tenets of The Order
The Ten Tenable Tenets

Insanity is contagious.
Nothing is more pleasant than to baffle people.
Force yourself to contradict yourself in order to avoid conforming to your own taste.
May your position be the lack of a position, but, of course, do not talk about it; as the minute you talk, you spoil the whole game.
When a problem comes along, you must whip it.
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
Yes, we’ll have another round.
I resemble that remark.
Something, something EXCELSIOR!
Be sure to tip your waiters, waitresses and bartenders.
The Smoking Baboon
The mythical Smoking Baboon is the official mascot of the Order of the Golden Fez. This majestic creature can be frequently spotted in dimly-lit booths in the back corners of the most famous liquid emporiums and social halls, the glow of his favorite brand of smokes announcing his presence. Do not be mistaken by his quiet demeanor and social graces, as “Puff Daddy,” (as he his fondly referred to by his closest confidants) can quickly cut you down with a witty comment or quip. He rarely shows his fangs, but his words can bite much deeper.